It’s been a long time since we at Errol St Osteo had seen our ex-employee Bones.
He had gone on the lamb after the police started “trying to silence my right to protest” and only sent the occasional letter.
Bones got in touch last week telling us that he would like to catch up for a coffee and to check out an exhibition at the NGV.
We at Errol St Osteo were surprised. Bones had previously been very dismissive of galleries.
“Exclusive bastions of human self congratulation with no thought to the representation of diverse sentiency.“
Bones was late and a little hungover but he was witty and quick of tongue regaling us with tales of the USA.
It’s freedom, it’s guns, it’s permissiveness and the underground skeletal society that abounds there.
After an hour of talking Bones was getting itchy and wanted to get into it. We headed upstairs. There was a specific exhibition he wanted to go to.
As soon as we entered the room I realised my mistake. There were plastic skeleton heads strewn all over the place.
People were taking selfies next to them. They were laughing. They were touching the skulls.
Bones has set me up. He knew that he would struggle to get through the NGV security with his record and had used me to get access.
Within milliseconds of entering he was yelling at children. He was yelling at young couples. He was yelling at security guards.
There was a lot of unpublishable swear words as well as spittle within his tirade.
A foolish security guard asked if Bones was mine. Bones lost it. He launched at the guard.
Fortunately I was able to grab his arm before he hurt anyone.
Unfortunately I have been banned from the NGV for the next 12 months and have an appointment with the police next week.
Errol St Osteo: Regrets Its Involvement In An Unwitting Excursion Into Skeletal Activism